i promised myself
a long time ago
that i would stop lying
that i would not duck reasonable people
seeking reasonable things
so i answer the question
every time it is asked
i dig deep into my gut and extract a piece of myself
wrap it up
and hand it out…
the best
the best are the ones who look
carefully
turn it over
mull it over
and then give it back
the worst are not satisfied
with what i have given
this shabby piece
is not enough
and the list comes:
raiki
aromatherapy
massage therapy
vitamins
homeopathy
muscle alignment
electric wheelchair
energy alignment
physio therapy
regression therapy
genetics
nanotechnology…
on they go
as if i have not tried them all
as if i do not still dream
of running,
full tilt,
through the daisies
of course
between the best
and the worst
are the rest
the mass who look
twice
only to see themselves:
their geriatric fears,
the impossible made true
in me
who look
as if i might have something extraordinary
to impart.
and maybe
some nights
i do
sometimes
i can tell of hell in a bucket
i can paint the bubble of abstract, wilful life
of envy
of pride
jealousy
and the eerie silence of the dead calm sea
but mostly, the lessons are few
in fact
there is only one that means anything
and here it is:
everyone
at some stage
will be forced to negotiate
with the physical
with the step
the chair
the toilet
the road that can no longer be walked
we are all forced to die
and it will hurt.
at some stage we will all sit in silence – bellowing to ourselves,
in that silence we will add up our life achievements
and they won’t amount to much…
the negotiation: this is all i have to offer
prepare yourself to bargain
at the round table of our demise.
generally this is not enough
the fact that that the dwarf, the downs baby, the wheelchair man and all the other defectives
are
despite appearances
exactly the same
as you
somehow
it disappoints
and they look away
embarrassed
that life could be so cruel
